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good things to come

leaning into the New Year

 

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This is the first time since having kids that I’ve really, truly enjoyed my Christmas break.  

Since starting my dance studio almost 13 years ago, I’ve had all of the school breaks except for summer off work (whoohoo!), and the holiday break was always the best.  A full two weeks.  YES.  But when kids came along, the breaks became, you know, just like work.  But worse.  They weren’t really breaks at all.  

I’ve always said that I don’t have the stay-at-home mom bone in my body.  It’s nowhere to be found (more power to you mamas who can do it – you’re heroes in my book).  I need my alone time, my work time, my time for creativity.  I need my time like I need water.  Without it, I’m a complete grump.  Just ask my kids.

They’ve had a grump at home with them for their school breaks for the last nine years since Max was born.  But Evie is almost six now, and I feel like the tides have turned.  The two weeks home over the holidays this year has felt… fun.  We’re talking and laughing and playing.  And when we’re not doing that, we’re all getting our alone time in.  All without hearing “MOM?!” every three seconds.  It’s now more like every three minutes.  😉   

This change in the tide of motherhood for me has meant I’ve spent more time during that weird liminal space between Christmas and the New Year dreaming into 2017.  That space where you have no idea what day it is, much less what time, and you’re not even sure who you are or what you should be doing.  Haha.  It’s perfect for dreaming (and champagne).

For 2017, I have some big dreams at the forefront of my mind and my heart.  They include big transitions and a new way of walking through the world.  They’re so big that they scare the shit out of me (more on the specifics some other time).  Luckily, I ran across this quote after my morning meditation:

“I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.” – Georgia O’Keeffe

Perfect timing, because O’Keeffe’s words help me feel like it’s all possible.  Like I really can make big changes.  Do things differently.  I can see all of the possibilities for my life, not necessarily without feeling terrified, but with faith.  And the belief that they can come to pass.  What a gift.

The challenge now is to hold the space for my big dreams for long enough to allow them to happen, despite what my brain may have to say about it.  “You’re not ready yet.”  “What if you make the wrong decision?”  “You’re fine right where you are.”

I know enough now to know that any control I feel I have over my life is an illusion, but still I hold a vision for myself.  And I hold a vision for you, too.  That your dreams come to pass.  That we all walk through our lives with a little more fulfillment, grace (for ourselves especially), and peace – however different that looks for each of us.  

Cheers to all of the good things to come.

Happy New Year,

      

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